Your Embarrassing Story

**skiaholik** · 07-13-2008, 03:26 PM

So my work is having their annual hello/goodbye party soon in which everyone hired in the last 6mo to a year is welcomed and everyone retiring is thanked. Apparently all of the new employees have to stand up on their chair and tell their most embarrassing story in front of everyone. I've been told a few years ago someone actually did tell their MOST embarrassing story involving being caught playing with Rosy Palm so they've suggested telling you're 3rd or 4th most embarrassing.

Anyway I was trying to think of one and since not much embarrasses me or I forget about it soon after if it did, I would make something up, and appeal to the maggot collective for assistance in it's creation. Let's have fun. Here are the rules:

1)You'd have to be willing to stand up in front of all of your superiors and co-workers and comfortably tell the story and be able to see them the next Monday (it's done on a Friday with many drinks involved).
2)Told from a guy's perspective, sorry ladies no CosmoGirl tampon related moments
3) Funny, not overly gross or sexual
4) Short and simple, no one wants to hear a 10min skit.

Ok so if anyone's bored or has stories of their own to share write away. I think this could turn into an entertaining thread for all.

**Jack** · 07-13-2008, 03:56 PM

I put my pants on and commando was mode o day at that time of the morning . I neglected to zip them and my Mom walked by . Jack , do you have underwear on ? Sure Mom I lied. I looked down and my man -snake was trying to escape. I felt worse for getting caught lying than my exposure.

**NippleHighPow** · 07-13-2008, 04:42 PM

Flying over my handle bars buck ass naked during the naked bike ride at UVM in front of 100's of my peers. Don't worry I landed on my side and hooked up with a girl still bloody that same night. Jeff how about you riding the same ride with no seat for the whole thing HA! Farting in front of many new people by accident can always be a little embarrassing.

**skiaholik** · 07-13-2008, 05:24 PM

NPHP- Was it you or she that was bloody that night? Hahaha! I completely forgot about that. The bike ride with no seat wasn't embarrassing but remember that night made me think of riding full speed through the grass to the meeting place, cranking a rock with my front tire and going over the handle bars right into the meeting place. Luckily that was pre-nakedness. But I mean that wasn't even that embarrassing, nor was the naked riding part, nor was the punching through some random window on the way downtown blackout drunk part, or the not being let into the bar with a bloody hand afterwards, or banging some chick in one of the business school classrooms later that night with a bloody hand.

Being embarrassed is overrated.

I think your best idea Steve is to just stand there for a second without saying anything and make it a bit awkward, and then fart and say "well that about covers that", and step down.

**AdironRider** · 07-13-2008, 06:55 PM

Originally Posted by NippleHighPow

Flying over my handle bars buck ass naked during the naked bike ride at UVM in front of 100's of my peers. Don't worry I landed on my side and hooked up with a girl still bloody that same night. Jeff how about you riding the same ride with no seat for the whole thing HA! Farting in front of many new people by accident can always be a little embarrassing.

Hah I got lost during the naked bike ride this year and ended up rolling around burlington naked for over 2 hours....and I didnt even go to UVM. Is that wierd?

**stuckathuntermtn** · 07-13-2008, 07:52 PM

I am nearly shameless, and have never been caught masturbating.

**skiaholik** · 07-14-2008, 11:05 AM

Bump for the Monday work crowd.

**splat** · 07-14-2008, 11:43 AM

Originally Posted by stuckathuntermtn

I am nearly shameless, and have never been caught masturbating.

I am nearly shameless and have trouble being embarrassed.

**Lonnie** · 07-14-2008, 01:14 PM

I peed my pants in a dept store when I was a little kid. Left a big puddle on the floor in the kids dept.

**72Twenty** · 07-14-2008, 01:22 PM

This happened to a friend of mine. A group of us, back in college, were over in Cheyenne drinking heavily during the rodeo. We were downtown and lost track of one from our group. Turns out he wandered off and thought we all left him and went back to Laramie. He went to the tracks and climbed aboard a train car thinking he would sleep for a bit and get off in Laramie. He passed out in the train. The next morning, he woke up on the train that had passed through Laramie and wound up in Sinclair, Wyoming (oil refinery). He stumbled out and realized where he was. He walked a ways to a ranch house and called one of our cell phones. He told us what he did because we left him in Cheyenne, and we told him "Dude, we're still in Cheyenne... YOU drove us here and your truck is also still in Cheyenne."

**Parvo** · 07-14-2008, 01:32 PM

I was waiting for a friend in my local resort parking lot, when what I thought was his red pathfinder pulled up. Just as the snowball left my hand, I noticed it didn't have MT plates, and was not his pathfinder. No harm, no foul, right? Wrong! The dude was pissed. Comes charging out of his car telling me "it's on!". I calmed him down after he threatened to kick my ass, but once he realized I worked there, started demanding free season passes, and was going to sue the resort for assault.

Later that night, I farted in my gf's face as she was giving me a leg-stretching physical therapy treatment. That was embarrassing.

**fallin** · 07-14-2008, 01:42 PM

Originally Posted by Parvo

Later that night, I farted in my gf's face as she was giving me a leg-stretching physical therapy treatment. That was embarrassing.

A few weeks ago my bf was nice enough to be helping me with physical therapy by throwing a medicine ball back and forth with me at the gym and I accidentally aimed too low and hit him in the balls. He fell to the floor and didn't move for like 10 minutes.

That probably doesn't help with the embarrassing story though...well once I was traveling in Mexico and had a little traveler's diarrhea shart. Had to wash my underwear in the sink of a restaurant, that was embarrassing.

**leroy jenkins** · 07-14-2008, 01:55 PM

Last year I went on a spring skiing trip with Doumal and Adimen. We ski our lines, and at the end of the day at the bottom of the snow, when we stop to put the skis and boots on our packs and start walking, I take off my boots, and ski pants. The cool breeze felt really good so I declared "Wow, that feels good".

Duomal looked up, and promptly looked away without saying anything.

It wasn't till about five minutes later (after doumal's two hiker friends (one female) came by) that I realized the fly on my board shorts was open, and the lacing was half undone, and yes, I freeball when I'm hiking.

No wonder that fresh breeze felt so good.

**alias** · 07-14-2008, 02:41 PM

I was an entrepreur at the age of 14, and had quite a nice business going by lifting old playboys from a neighbor and then renting them to other 14 year old boys. (they got the mag for a day I got a couple bucks).

My Dad had just installed a drop down ceiling in my basement bedroom and I choose this location to stash all of the magazines. I must have had close to 50 of them up there.

I choose this location because there was no way anyone was removing ceiling tiles to look for contraband. NOT because I had working knowledge of load forces on cheaply installed ceilings.

One day I'm pissed at my mom over something and she is in the hall yelling at me. I slam my door hard. The ceiling shakes, then slowly the ceiling tile gives.

One magazine falls, then three, then there is a damn avalanche of playboys falling out of the ceiling.

Mom hears the noise and busts in only to catch a few on the head.

Final damage:

had to repair my roof

Had to take the mags back to the neighbor and told them I lifted them from his garage. He made me work in his yard all summer mowing his lawn etc.

Had to confess to my religious leader. He made me pay the money back to the kids I rented the mags to.

I also had a helluva time getting a date in my neighborhood for the next few years. (apparently moms aren't keen on thier daughters going out with smut peddlers).

**Cliff Huckable** · 07-14-2008, 03:03 PM

Originally Posted by alias

I was an entrepreur at the age of 14, and had quite a nice business going by lifting old playboys from a neighbor and then renting them to other 14 year old boys. (they got the mag for a day I got a couple bucks).

My Dad had just installed a drop down ceiling in my basement bedroom and I choose this location to stash all of the magazines. I must have had close to 50 of them up there.

I choose this location because there was no way anyone was removing ceiling tiles to look for contraband. NOT because I had working knowledge of load forces on cheaply installed ceilings.

One day I'm pissed at my mom over something and she is in the hall yelling at me. I slam my door hard. The ceiling shakes, then slowly the ceiling tile gives.

One magazine falls, then three, then there is a damn avalanche of playboys falling out of the ceiling.

Mom hears the noise and busts in only to catch a few on the head.

Final damage:

had to repair my roof

Had to take the mags back to the neighbor and told them I lifted them from his garage. He made me work in his yard all summer mowing his lawn etc.

Had to confess to my religious leader. He made me pay the money back to the kids I rented the mags to.

I also had a helluva time getting a date in my neighborhood for the next few years. (apparently moms aren't keen on thier daughters going out with smut peddlers).

Better than Risky Business!

**gregm** · 07-14-2008, 03:25 PM

once when i was in the army my commanding officer said i was a whiner. i thought he meant i drank too much (winer, wine-o). figured it out a couple weeks later.

swear to god it's true.

**NorCascader** · 07-14-2008, 06:45 PM

I had just got all new gear for the first time ever, went to Baker for opening day. Everyone was checking me out and I felt very fly, like, even whispering after I walked by.

At 4:30 after an awesome day, I grabbed a beer. In the full length mirror I saw my new khanki precip pants had a globbyuale lift-grease stain located exactly on my cornhole.

Never wore them again.

**EarlyWood** · 07-14-2008, 07:10 PM

my dad hunting in northern Vt. got into a Bronco. he thought it was his after leaving it in a field to walk the woods. A hunter came up on him as he was trying to get the godamn key to work and pointed the gun at his face, saying get outta my fucking car..
this was a funny dinner story

there were a few..

like the time the canoe tipped over in the early morn when he decided to get some fishing in before his golf match at an exclusive hotel and he had to walk thru the lobby with the squishing sneakers, sagging wet golf sweater, openning the door to the room and my mom saying " WHAT, happened to you?" you gotta think of Seinfields parents here cause that's what it was like..

**sftc** · 07-14-2008, 07:18 PM

While I was in the hospital recovering from abdominal surgery my doctor suggested I get up and walk around my room a bit to stretch out and help get my bowels working again. My first walk went well so for the rest of the day and night I'd hobble up and down the hallway past the nurse's station using a walker every few hours.

The next day my doc told me that my 22 year old ass provided a nice little thrill and diversion for all of the nurses on duty. I was so wacked out on pain pills that I didn't realize I was wearing one of those open backed hospital gowns.

**Aussie_ripper** · 07-15-2008, 08:53 AM

This has been buried into the deep recesses of my brain. It is the one story I still cringe about when I speak of. Last summer I was working at a Marina, and I had to drive a customer to the public launch on the other side of the lake. All of our trucks alwways had the keys sitting in them. Well, I pick the nice truck to take the guy in, keys are in there of course, and we have a jolly good time driving to the launch and back. When I get back a dude that sells us parts is looking about ready to kick the shit out of some poor teenager. I realized at that moment, that it was not in fact my Marina's truck, but this guy's. I get out ready to have my arse beaten to a pulp, and it very nearly happened. I've rarely been so scared for my life. Apparently the thing was his baby (as in cleaned it every two days).

The moral of the story? If there is a stoner who works at the Marina you park at, take the keys with you.

**EarlyWood** · 07-16-2008, 08:23 PM

..my girly girl left a pair of her reading eyeglasses at my place a while ago. They've got butterflies, colorful dots, are somewhat winged, butterflies located on the wings.
I'm having a serious discussion with my accountant one early morn. I'm wearing these glasses having forgotten they were on my head, having misplaced mine earlier. He looked at me straight as could be, never broke a smile, never gave an indication..
Got to the car took these off, realized...had to chuckle and wonder how he got thru that.

**kush1** · 07-16-2008, 10:50 PM

you could always say you got hammered in Vegas and pissed in the person's luggage that was paying for me to be there........

I'm sure you could say that was embarrassing.....

I also was at a house party last summer lost my pants and had to ride my bike home with just a shirt on that night. Then the next day returned to said house and asked if they found my pants.... turns out they didn't actually have a party 10-12 of us just decided to have a party there after we left the bar....

you could probably say that was too...

and then there was this night

Lets say that actually happened and wasn't just photoshopped

**ill-advised strategy** · 07-16-2008, 11:52 PM

perhaps you went picnicking with relatively new friends at the river one time, ended up inebriated and trying to swim in jeans...finding the jeans not so swimming friendly, you took the jeans off, in the river with it's current, which yanked the jeans away, then there you were, hammered, sunburned, running/swimming frantically downriver in your tighty whiteys unsuccessfully chasing after your jeans in the river next to the park and highway. Then, the only loaner pants available in the area to get you decent were a friend's wife's tight, tight purple chick jeans, which were too tight to zip up, but there you were, wearing unzipped purple lady wranglers and pukingly drunk at the park next to the highway for a few more hours waiting for your ride to be ready to go home.

**flyby** · 07-16-2008, 11:56 PM

Originally Posted by YetiMan

perhaps you went picnicking with relatively new friends at the river one time, ended up inebriated and trying to swim in jeans...finding the jeans not so swimming friendly, you took the jeans off, in the river with it's current, which yanked the jeans away, then there you were, hammered, sunburned, running/swimming frantically downriver in your tighty whiteys unsuccessfully chasing after your jeans in the river next to the park and highway. Then, the only loaner pants available in the area to get you decent were a friend's wife's tight, tight purple chick jeans, which were too tight to zip up, but there you were, wearing unzipped purple lady wranglers and pukingly drunk at the park next to the highway for a few more hours waiting for your ride to be ready to go home.

perhaps, perhaps not. it's all a matter of time, really. monkeys with typewriters situation.

**ill-advised strategy** · 07-16-2008, 11:59 PM

my buddy was riding his harley to this party way back in the day...riding through los angeles with a whole bunch of porn and cocaine tucked inside his leather jacket. He got lightly taken out at an intersection by a corvette and there he was, bike down, laying in this busy intersection with porn and cocaine everywhere. He ran away and never looked back.