Man's Code of Ethics

[Pinner]

Man's Code of Ethics
1. Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolate.

2. Under no circumstances may 2 men share an umbrella.

3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his fellow partygoers.

4. When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence.

5. Unless he murdered someone in your immediate family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

6. You may exaggerate any anecdote told in a bar by 50% without recrimination; beyond that, anyone within earshot is allowed to call BULLSHIT. (Exception: When trying to pick up a girl, the allowable exaggeration rate rises to 400%)

7. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off-limits. Forever!

8. The minimum amount of time you have to wait for another guy who's running late is 5 minutes. For a girl, you are required to wait 10 minutes for every point of hotness she scores on the classic 1-10 babe scale.

9. Complaining about the brand of free beer in a buddies refrigerator is forbidden. You may gripe if the temperature is unsuitable.

10. No man is ever required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering a friends birthday is strictly optional and slightly gay.

11. Agreeing to distract the ugly friend of a hot babe that your buddy is trying to hook up with is your legal duty. Should you get carried away with your good deed and end up having sex with the beast, your pal is forbidden to speak of it, even at your bachelor party.

12. Before dating a buddy's "ex", you are required to ask his permission and he in return is required to grant it.

13. Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to pick a buffalo wing clean.

14. If a man's zipper is down, that's his problem - you didn't see nothin'.

15. The universal compensation for buddies who help you move is beer.

16. A man must never own a cat or like his girlfriend's cat.

17. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sports event, you may always ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

18. When your girlfriend/wife expresses a desire to fix her whiney friend up with your pal, you may give her the go-ahead only if you'll be able to warn your buddy and give him time to prepare excuses about joining the priesthood.

19. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.

20. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

21. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

22. If a buddy is outnumbered, out manned, or too drunk to fight, you must jump into the fight. Exception: If within the last 24 hours his actions have caused you to think, "What this guy needs is a good ass-whupin", then you may sit back and enjoy.

23. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while weight lifting: "Yeah, baby, push it!", "C'mon, give me one more! Harder!", "Another set and we can hit the showers." "Nice ass, are you a Sagittarius?"

24. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both. That's just plain mean.

25. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.

26. Never join your girlfriend/wife in dissing a buddy, except when she's withholding sex pending your response.

27. Never talk to a man in the bathroom unless you're on equal footing: either both urinating or both waiting in line. In all other situations, a nod is all the conversation you need.

28. Unlocking a car door for another man is polite. Opening it is gay.

[jonesy]

Cute is NOT in a man's vocabulary.
A man can comment on another mans atire but only once.

[Chainsaw_Willie]

Cute is NOT in a man's vocabulary.
A man can comment on another mans atire but only once.

I would add an addendum to that second one: "And he may not use the words 'flattering' or 'buttocks' in that comment."

[Caucasian Asian]

Rule#1:

THINGS WITH DINKS, DON'T TOUCH OTHER THINGS WITH DINKS; WITH THEIR DINKS

Memorize that. Never forget it.

[El Chupacabra]

If those are in order of importance... I fail.

(own the movie Chocolat.)

[Tuckerman]

I think that the order needs adjusting, For example rule number 1. "Thou shall not rent the movie Chocolate." could easily be switched with rule number 4. "When you are queried by a buddy's wife, girlfriend, mother, father, priest, shrink, dentist, accountant, or dog walker, you need not and should not provide any useful information whatsoever as to his whereabouts. You are permitted to deny his very existence." or 10. or 5. It needs work. Ok or we could do away with rule number one because there are so many soy movies you would have to list them all.

[hop]

Well what do you expect? It's from Maxim.

[leroy jenkins]

Another rule that should be added is that anyone who makes up lists of rules like that is most likely a closet homosexual, and really trying very hard to keep it under raps.

[Griz]

This brings back memories of the regular segment on the Bob & Tom radio show quoting from the "Manly Man's Handbook". Which would of course be followed by the song, "I'm the man of the house until my wife gets home."

[jonesy]

[philippeR]

Man's Code of Ethics
...
blah blah
...
I'm so into interior decoration, balllet dancing and making lists.
But I'm not gay !

Yes you are. Nothing wrong with that, mind you.

[valleygirl]

Whew... good thing women don't HAVE ethics...

[Ubersheist]

19. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.

YOU HEAR THAT, LEGOSKIER? DO YOU HEAR THAT?? YES, I'M CALLING YOU OUT! ....and, yes, ordering a merlot or any wine for that matter in a dive bar is then considered a 'fruity chick drink.' At a good restaurant or an upscale bar is one thing, but wine becomes a 'fruity chick drink' at a craphole like the Zebra Club.

[MOHSHSIHd]

Bros before Hoes....ALWAYS!

[P_McPoser]

YOU HEAR THAT, LEGOSKIER? DO YOU HEAR THAT?? YES, I'M CALLING YOU OUT! ....and, yes, ordering a merlot or any wine for that matter in a dive bar is then considered a 'fruity chick drink.' At a good restaurant or an upscale bar is one thing, but wine becomes a 'fruity chick drink' at a craphole like the Zebra Club.

I'm agreeing with Ubersheist.

[TyWebb]

No man, may ever forward an email that claims to result in a check from Microsoft and Bill Gates....unless his lawyer brother-in-law reviewed it and found it to be legitimate.

[LegoSkier]

YOU HEAR THAT, LEGOSKIER? DO YOU HEAR THAT?? YES, I'M CALLING YOU OUT! ....and, yes, ordering a merlot or any wine for that matter in a dive bar is then considered a 'fruity chick drink.' At a good restaurant or an upscale bar is one thing, but wine becomes a 'fruity chick drink' at a craphole like the Zebra Club.

You know what?! I don't care. Beer sucks. Beer tastes like shit. Why the fuck should I drink something invented when some dumb-ass Mesopotamian forgot to put the cover on his grain storage unit during a rain storm just because it's the "manly" drink.
Also, a good margarita, long island, or even that girly pink lemonade drink you bought me has more alcohol in it than beer (and I'm not even going to bring martinis or gin and tonics into this). Beer is for pussy lightweight white trash. Shit, I have to slam a sixer just to get the mild buzz that a single glass of wine can get me. So fuck you and your beer drinking ass. I will stick with my wine and girly drinks thank you.

Edit to add that I get more pussy than you.

[willywhit]

Whew... good thing women don't HAVE ethics...

I'm NOT gay, I swear !

[MTT]

You know what?! I don't care. Beer sucks. Beer tastes like shit. Why the fuck should I drink something invented when some dumb-ass Mesopotamian forgot to put the cover on his grain storage unit during a rain storm just because it's the "manly" drink.
Also, a good margarita, long island, or even that girly pink lemonade drink you bought me has more alcohol in it than beer (and I'm not even going to bring martinis or gin and tonics into this). Beer is for pussy lightweight white trash. Shit, I have to slam a sixer just to get the mild buzz that a single glass of wine can get me. So fuck you and your beer drinking ass. I will stick with my wine and girly drinks thank you.

Edit to add that I get more pussy than you.

~~~Openly Metro Sexual~~~

I think you get a pass cuz you live in the land of fruits and nuts

BTW belated Happy B-Day


As for the rest of the shit in this thread? your not even suppossed to talk about this shit. a guy just knows!

This is stuff your supposed to teach your son before he's 10

[TyWebb]

If a man is cheated on, he is required to show his buddies all naked pictures of her. He is not required to share shots that include any portion of his own body. Posting her photos on the interent is optional, but encouraged.

[lax]

top 50 gayest, most manly

http://thephatphree.com/features.asp...6&LayoutType=1

[Tippster]

Edit to add that I get more pussy than you.

You better.

Although I still enjoy a beer now & then I mainly drink wine at home (daily) or cocktails/mixed drinks in bars. Beer makes me feel bloated, especially if I have one anytime close to dinner.

[MapleSyrup]

19. It is permissible to consume a fruity chick drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless supermodel... and it's free.

Addendum #1: Thou shalt not order a clear/colorless drink at a bar.

Addendum #2: Thou shat not sit at a bar if there is even one female in said bar.

[Joey Joe Joe Junior Shabadoo]

Addendum #1: Thou shalt not order a clear/colorless drink at a bar.

are you trying to say vodka tonics, gin & tonics, martinis, or vodka on the rocks are not acceptable?

[GoldMember]

are you trying to say vodka tonics, gin & tonics, martinis, or vodka on the rocks are not acceptable?

Everclear, straight up???