How do you deal with assholes while driving?

[steve]

well, after I run that asshole off the road, I go to the wreck, pull out his dead body, rip off his testicles, and cut out his heart with a spoon. Then I look at his registration card to find out where he lives. I tie his wife and children up - and forcefeed the nuts to his children and the heart to his wife. Then I set the house on fire and watch them slowly burn to death.

Then I have a coke.

-steve

[rideit]

Then I have a coke.

-steve

Personally, I would drink their still warm blood, but that's just me.

[DownhillRider]

Personally, I would drink their still warm blood, but that's just me.

Use the blood as bacon dipping sauce.

[Rasputin]

well, after I run that asshole off the road, I go to the wreck, pull out his dead body, rip off his testicles, and cut out his heart with a spoon. Then I look at his registration card to find out where he lives. I tie his wife and children up - and forcefeed the nuts to his children and the heart to his wife. Then I set the house on fire and watch them slowly burn to death.

Then I have a coke.

-steve

You sir, are a pillar of restraint.

[rideit]

Well, he is considerate enough to use a spoon, afterall.

[KnumbChucK]

I usually get an inch away from the bumper in my lifted suburban and hold my horn and flash my lights for a good 1-2 minutes until I run out of gas.

fixed.

[slim]

I usually get an inch away from the bumper in my lifted suburban and hold my horn and flash my lights for a good 1-2 minutes, while the car is basically over their car......or its always good to fly by them, don't look at them so they think you don't care, and then get in front of them and slow it down to 40, if you're on the freeway....

Dude. Your dad sold your lifted suburban because you kept breaking it. Don't front.

[midget]

.....or i'll wait till we hit a big hill, then get in front of them, and box them out for a few miles going 20mph. I'll then occasionaly left-foot brake really hard so they think they're going to slam into me since they are 1 foot from my bumper and scare the shit out of them and piss them off even more.

[gravitylover]

It depends on what I'm driving and if I'm alone or not. If it's bigger than the other car I'll usually get in their way, if it's faster than the other car I'll ride them, box them in or pass them and then slow down and piss them off. The being concerned about them being armed part doesn't usually kick in until after the adrenalin rush subsides.

[focus]

I'm not really a fan of the whole e-stopping thing when somebody's on your ass. I don't really want to have a fender bender, regardless of how big an asshole they are.

I will give the brakes a nice tap, enough to startle them, and I WILL slow it down to 40, 30, 20, or even 10 if they're being big enough assholes and we're in an area they can't pass. I figure when I slow everything down I'm really doing them a favor. They're in this unnecessary goshawful hurry, when they're going 10 mph they get an opportunity to really think about how important it is to risk an accident just to arrive at their destination 30 seconds faster. It's like a time-out.

I'm sure they all thank me for it afterwards.

I used to flip out in the car. As in "act crazy enough and they'll leave you alone." This almost always worked for me, and was a riot, until I had some dude in an 18-wheeler follow me for about 40 miles (driving across Indiana), tailgating me and locking up his trailer every time we came to a stop (So I had smoke and a jackknifing trailer in my rearview to accompany the screech of tires). If it was a red light he'd open the door and start to get out, though it always turned green just in time.... He outcrazied me.

[13]

Reminder: If your employer's contact information is painted on the exterior of your vehicle, it's probably best not to drive like an asshole.

[Tippster]

Always make eye contact. They can smell your fear. If it's a woman I usually blow her a kiss.

[PlayHarder]

Smile and wave. Gets 'em everytime.

[seanpistol]

living here in LA can make even a calm man come down with a bad case of road rage. most of the bad drivers are illegals that don't speak a lick of english and don't seem to understand american hand gestures. kind of pointless since they continue driving along in their beat up 83 toyota filled with lawnmowers/ leafblowers, rakes, and too many people in the front seat as if nothing happened.

the 40 year old douchebags in beamers are the ones to look out for. after being followed on the freeway at 90+ miles an hour by a man who looked like goldberg, i'm done flipping people off and being angry. i try to drive at noon or midnight to beat the traffic anyhow.

[SponsoredByDuctTape]

If you really want to piss the guy off who's on your ass on the freeway, just wait till he gets close and clean your windshield - you know, with the squirter/wiper thing. There's nothing more satisfying than blasting some dude's freshly washed Honda Civic. The last time I did this, the dude just stayed there, right on my ass, with his wipers going like a hummingbird. There was too much traffic for him to get around and he refused to back off. Eventually he pulled around me, slowed down and gave me the same treatment. I thought it was pretty funny because I'm sure the guy had no idea I was doing it on purpose.

[watersnowdirt]

What Playharder said.

I try to kill them with kindness. It's usually so damn shocking they don't know what to do. Examples:

someone doesn't let me in despite my patience and clear blinker. I wave and mouth, "Thank you!!" and keep waving. Kind of weirds them out.

Someone does something like passes on the right in a no passing zone. I just sort of give the shocked and hurt look. Recently, a very big guy in a huge truck with Raiders stickers all over it (which naturally signals to me these guys are seriously demented ) passed me in traffic on one lane road on the right. I gave him the look. I then found myself side by side with him and he rolled down his window and said, "You got a problem with what I did?" I very sweetly said, "Well, you're really not supposed to pass on the right." He just said, "well now I know." End of incident.

I will admit though that I do tailgate when people are going under the speed limit. Since my commute home is Pacific Coast Highway, Route 1, I find myself behind tourists constantly and it does drive me nuts. So yes - I become that annoying tailgater. I know I shouldn't, but it's sooo hard not too.

[seanpistol]

If you really want to piss the guy off who's on your ass on the freeway, just wait till he gets close and clean your windshield - you know, with the squirter/wiper thing. There's nothing more satisfying than blasting some dude's freshly washed Honda Civic. The last time I did this, the dude just stayed there, right on my ass, with his wipers going like a hummingbird. There was too much traffic for him to get around and he refused to back off. Eventually he pulled around me, slowed down and gave me the same treatment. I thought it was pretty funny because I'm sure the guy had no idea I was doing it on purpose.

unfortunately my windshield washer is so weak, i can barely get my own window clean.

when i was followed, i used the get in the fastlane when he's right on my ass and suddenly swerve across 4 lanes of traffic just before the exit technique.

[PaSucks]

unfortunately my windshield washer is so weak, i can barely get my own window clean.

when i was followed, i used the get in the fastlane when he's right on my ass and suddenly swerve across 4 lanes of traffic just before the exit technique.

I've never been followed, but if I were, I'd just pull into a police station. See what he does then.

[Grange]

Once I was cut-off by a driver on a cell phone so I drove up next to them on the left mouth something like "I'll show you you little bitch" and preceded to violently search the duffle bag on the passenger seat. I think he thought I was going for gun or something and got the hell out of there. Little did he know it was just my gym clothes.

Other than that I'll usually just swear at them inside my car unless they pull out in front of me at an intersection and cause me to use my brakes to avoid hitting them. Then I'll lay on my horn and tailgate them until they get up to speed.

[FLEX]

Check out this video , good ending.

http://www.filecabi.net/video/billyscamera.html

[PaSucks]

Was it me or did those hicks sound Canadian?

[rideit]

Ya, eh?....

[Grange]

Define "Cut-off".

When you have to hit your brakes because the person making lane change would have hit you otherwise.

[irul&ublo]

How do you deal with assholes while driving?

Attempting der poopenhausen while driving is a very advanced manuver. All preparation should be complete before the vehicle is started, and only attempted by a professional on a close course.

[13]

SBDT, you should change the title of this thread to

"Asshole drivers....out yourselves".

There's more asshole behavior being exhibited here in the little stories everyone is writing about. What a bunch of dicks.

You've never been an asshole? I'm sorry for you -- it really can be quite satisfying.