Skier's Edge Users

[crylonewolf]

Anyone own a Skier's Edge? I bought one this summer. I'm hoping it will take me to the expert level. Comments anyone? Did it work for you???

[fez]

If this isn't a troll, i think you may be lost.

Here may be a better place to ask this question.

[hyasakyte]

I have a skier's edge and it did wonders for my skiing, especially in the trees.

I really like the flipout bowl and the extra large stash container on it, too. Combined with my windproof lighter, it can't be beat!

See you on the hill, gaperboy!

[Steven S. Dallas]

There's one in my gym, and every time I use it it makes me have to shit. If you, like millions of other skiers, are being held back from the expert level by your horrific constipation, then the Skier's Edge will work for you.

[Arty50]

Yes, there's nothing worse than having to mach down the hill while holding in a sudden onset of explosive diarrhea.

[Steven S. Dallas]

So you know what I'm talking about.

[crylonewolf]

Originally posted by fez
If this isn't a troll, i think you may be lost.

Here may be a better place to ask this question.

Whatever a troll is.....thanks for the info fez. I thought there might be some ski pro's on this site

[fez]

Nope, no pro skiers here, or experts. Just a whole bunch of smart-ass REAL skiers.

What's the difference you may ask? well, I just got an email outlining them.

Everyone knows someone that calls themselves an Expert Skier. You know the ones. They are dressed in perfect ski attire, wearing all of the proper, perfect fitting equipment. Every season they appear to be using NEW skis, boots, etc. I've noticed that quite often, these people can't ski better than my 72 year old grandmother. After watching many of these people for a while, I've come up with the following observations...

Expert Skier: Drives to the local resort in the Beemer with the skis on the rack upside down, tips back, ...
Real Skier: Hasn't dug his/her 1976 Ford F150 Pickup out since the last time he got an impound warning for impeding snow removal, walks to the lift, never shows his pass.

Expert Skier: Got a great deal on the latest in ski gear at Alpine.
Real Skier: Picked up a used set at a garage sale and found his bindings in the dumpster outside his apartment.

Expert Skier: Goes out to a fine restaurant for dinner après ski.
Real Skier: Is his waiter.

Expert Skier: His favorite run has a name like Jaws of Death, Outer Limits, White Heat, or some such.
Real Skier: His favorite run has no name.

Expert Skier: Counts the number of days he skied last season.
Real Skier: Counts the number of days he missed all year.

Expert Skier: Wishes the ski season was longer.
Real Skier: Didn't realize skiing was restricted to a particular season, only that sometimes the lifts run and sometimes they don't.

Expert Skier: Tells everyone that they should ski his favorite resort.
Real Skier: Tells everyone that they should ski somewhere else.

Expert Skier: Thinks the new lift is great.
Real Skier: Spent all last night loosening the bolts on pole 12 of the new lift.

Expert Skier: Feels confident adjusting his binding.
Real Skier: Feels comfortable mounting his bindings.

Expert Skier: Thinks the female lift attendant is cute.
Real Skier: Blushes when she tells him how much she enjoyed last night.

Expert Skier: Subscribes to Powder Magazine to find out the hot places to ski.
Real Skier: Skims through the ski rags while he's at the store buying beer to see how many of his favorite places they've ruined.

Expert Skier: Thinks Vail is the resort of all resorts.
Real Skier: Tells everyone that Vail is the resort of all resorts.

Expert Skier: Buys all his buddies beers at the lodge.
Real Skier: Gets all his beer free cuz he lives with the guy tending bar.

Expert Skier: Gets real pissed off when someone skis over the tops of his skis.
Real Skier: Paints his skis flat black so no one will steal them, worries about the bottoms of his skis... not the tops.

Expert Skier: Thinks the backcountry is a bar.
Real Skier: Chuckles when some touron asks him where he can find the Backcountry.

Expert Skier: Thinks snowboarders are pretty darn funny.
Real Skier: Thinks snowboarders are pretty darn funny.

Expert Skier: Has a fancy ski rack on his car.
Real Skier: Has a fancy ski rack by the front door.

Expert Skier: Sharpens his edges once a week.
Real Skier: Sharpens his edges when he flies home to visit his parents for Christmas in Vermont.

Expert Skier: Knows all about snow making....
Real Skier: Worked on the snowmaking crew for three years.

Expert Skier: Calls a 1-900 number to get the latest weather report.
Real Skier: Steps outside and looks up...

Expert Skier: Has a Grateful Dead sticker on his BMW.
Real Skier: Lives with four dead-heads in a one bedroom apartment.

Expert Skier: Has a gagloop of ski passes hanging all over his jacket from places like Breckenridge and Vail and Aspen and .....
Real Skier: Forgot and left his season pass at home... but it doesn't really matter.

Expert Skier: Narrowly avoided injury in his last fall cuz his skis came off.
Real Skier: Narrowly avoided injury in his last fall cuz his skis stayed on.

Expert Skier: Wears GoreTex(tm).
Real Skier: Wears duct tape.

Expert Skier: Thinks high speed quads are a type of ski lift.
Real Skier: Thinks high speed quads are the leg muscles of the guy breaking trail.

Expert Skier: Goes on ski vacation, flies out, rents a fancy Ford Explorer that he parks outside the three bedroom condo he rents.
Real Skier: Comes home from skiing to find some tourist has parked a Ford Explorer with a Budget Rent-a-Car sticker in his spot again, pulls the valve stem cores from three tires, and tapes them to the windshield with a nasty note.

DISCLAIMER: Any similarity to persons living or dead, real or fictitious, was purposefully intended, and the author assumes no responsibility for the clue-challenged that would take offense to said similarity.... And if that was your Ford Explorer... it wasn't me.


Good luck on becoming an expert skier.

[bad_roo]

Call me an expert.

[crylonewolf]

Well Fez, I learned something today....I just want to ski...not be an a---hole.....P.S. I went to the Ski show in Chicago today, Skier's Edge has some new machines...they rock...and I bought last year's model....Mine is good...but those jagoffs could have at least told me they were coming out with better machines...

[dipstik]

Originally posted by crylonewolf
Well Fez, I learned something today....I just want to ski...not be an a---hole.....P.S. I went to the Ski show in Chicago today, Skier's Edge has some new machines...they rock...and I bought last year's model....Mine is good...but those jagoffs could have at least told me they were coming out with better machines...

the thread of the year, by far

[seldon]

wow....



you too can be an overweight middle aged woman who rocks the slopes if you use the skiers edge!

fez, that was hilarious

[SponsoredByDuctTape]

Fez for president!!!!

[seldon]

shouldn't it be:
fez for prez?


in general for this thread

[Mountain Junkie]

I don't agree with the tips back thing...not to restart an innane topic, but tails point forward on ski racks. Then again, with twin tips I guess it doesn't matter...much like this thread.

[seldon]

tips back=tails forward....
given that tip=front
tail=back

dont think theres an arguement here

is it possible that whoever started this thread could kindly delete it?

[Z]

classic fez!!

[Hayduke]

Dipstik, can you use the next pic in the series for your avatar now please.

[dipstik]

Originally posted by Hayduke
Dipstik, can you use the next pic in the series for your avatar now please.

Only I get to see what that shirt is hiding


actually, I just lost the pic.

[train07]

Crylone,
Yeah, it works...I have one....it'll make you strong....I believe in muscle memory and this thing does a good job simulating. The worse thing the company did was put that rediculous ad in the magazines showing how friends are amazed (remember the little bubble above friends head's with their thoughts?)....".WOW it must be his skiers edge!" That's why you're getting the responses above......
Work it hard....you'll improve....at least you'll be stronger and be less prone to injury.

[seldon]

sorry to bring this thread back up...
but instead of buying some machine for like $500 or so..


put on a pair of running shoes.
get out of your house.
run 6 miles. if this takes you more than an hour, plan on a helluva lot of work. If you're under 45 minutes, you're doing reasonably. If you're under 40, you're doing pretty well. If you're under 35, you're a runner.

lift some weights for a lil bit o upper body strength.

but dont get sold on some bullshit machine... you're time will be better spent hitting the hills (running, not skiing) and you're money on lift tickets. i can gurantee that you will be a better skier if you use the money from that machine to buy 1)a pair of running shoes and shorts 2)lift tickets with the remaining $400

and btw, JONG

[fez]

Originally posted by seldon


and btw, JONG

so other than the self jongs,

was that your first one?

[train07]

I'll defend this machine.... the advantage is the simulation of movement and the muscle memory that you're not going to derive from running. It's more fluid and less jarring on the knees than running and this thing gets your heart rate up in minutes. Yeah, it's not cheap but it's worth it to see the bubbles above your friends heads.

[seldon]

Originally posted by train07
I'll defend this machine.... the advantage is the simulation of movement and the muscle memory that you're not going to derive from running. It's more fluid and less jarring on the knees than running and this thing gets your heart rate up in minutes. Yeah, it's not cheap but it's worth it to see the bubbles above your friends heads.

i'd definitely pay $$$ to see bubbles floating above my friends heads. And yeah, i can understand where ur coming from if you're worried about jarring impact on your knees. I'm not sure that the muscle memory is good, because if its just a little bit off, then it could be really annoying correcting it once you get onto real snow. For those of us who have young knees (15) and serious lack of $$ to spend on skiing, i'll stick with running. but if i had bad knees and serious exttra $$ i might consider it.

and yeah, i think that might've been my first jong. besides my like three self-jongs...

[Tical]

^^ your 15??