It appears posting weenies and turds may be the only way to free oneself from the addictive shackles of this message board. Or I could just post a picture of a giant turd sculpted into a weenie....

If you're going for it. Go for it. Fire off a full quarter (two 8ths) and make sure you've got a babysitter. You'll find whatever it is you're looking for or whatever you've been hiding from will...

I mostly just listen to all the people saying "oh my god did that kid just do that?" "that was amazing" and "have my babies", but I'm a man so it gets weird. Cereally though, I mostly rock the "NOW...

Only if we're in your ass.

I'm in college and I wrote a story about a superhero that has the powers of teleportation, but he can;t teleport himself or anyone else for that matter. He can only teleport watermelons and the only...

I hit it with my giant wang that was floundering in the snow. It may need a few kisses to heal the booboo. Will you wear a skirt and call me "professor pumpalot"?

you greedy old bastards never seem to understbnad why you're keeping us down, but yet you want to lift us with the wings of angels whenerever you need a new pew or bench to show you're super devotion...

Once I saw a girl with only one leg. It made me hot in a weird sort of way so I decided to make fun of her. God, she still haunts me. I want her so bad, but my insecurities tell me to poke fun and by...

dude, the entire site isn;t for sale. for that you'd need to like own half the maggots and even then I doubt you'd really own them if ol' lincoln had his way.

I voted for anything with a picture of a picture in the art and also anythng with an image of an image. I may have voted a few more times than allowed, but I think the judges will see the irony in my...

[elguapo to nobis] "you're just too beautiful for this world"[/elguapo to nobis] then he lays him down next to his beefy aryan lover.

cereally though, the man's brain is wired different. madman on...

Wow, you look an awful lot like a fair number of my repressed memories.

Do you think he'd spend this much time here if he "got it up"? Come on.

:rolleyes2

Today made my balls ache with magical flowing snow. We skied the Y chute and everything was kick ass until I was skiing along near the bottom and something under the snow hits my leg just above the...

You're still the poo I took in your mom.

You inflate a condom and then you dip it in chocolate. Once the chocolate cools the condom will easily slip out of the chocolate shell. Then you can put the chocolate shell over your weener. Everyone...

See guys. Once you start thinking a little differently anything is possible. There are a lot of really good ideas in here. You can also use tennis rackets as snowshoes and it's also possible to get...

Listen, I had a problem that needed to be solved and I found a way around it. I'm not trying to sell these to anyone. I just wanted to share what I thought was a good idea and has opened some doors...

You're the piece of shit I took.

I was in your mom's box and I was glad to get out. I took a shit while I was in there.

Thanks. It seems like nobody here is into a little out of the box thinking.

Seriously? I can tell you that my beacon (a studfinder, wait for the joke, it's coming) won't find you.

Whatever. I know of at least one Santa who posts on this board and your toys ain't coming next year.

When there's a room full of people with beacons they actually do.

Since you're in detroit I don't think that will be a problem. I'm sure you have a lot of wet slides of corn filled poo.

I'd been trying to come up with a way to get out the gates by Gad II and hit some that Tiger Tail goodness, but you have to check in with patrol and they want you to have an avalanche bacon. I...

mostly price and a lease on a new is about all I can afford or qualify for. Daewoo is a cool made up foreign word like subaru so I thought maybe some might have some experience with both. Seriosuly,...

Yeah, but those were from New Zealand and they have giant ahiry feet over there. I don;t think anything lasts for more than 3 years in New Zealand. I know a kid that went there on a mission and he...

Sure, having a subaru would be cool, but for some reason I can't bring myself to buy a station wagon. I think it's because I was the youngest and always had to ride in the back of ours and it smelled...

I'd be breaking the law. Not that I'm opposed to that, but I mean, she'd be in high-school.

You have to admit they're similar in a lot of ways, but Daewoo definitely has the upper hand in making people think about kung-fu when you say their name.

What do you think of the Daewoo Nubira? At first I thought maybe it was gay, but then the more I said the name the more I thought it sounded like someone karate chopping a virgin and ther's no...

powwrangler can't because his stupid (not having a fake ID) ass was at home basking in the glow of using a response that soccer moms have taken over in a missing girlfriend thread. It really was...

ha, I've got a temporary fake I'd be willing to sacrifice trying to get in to this show. If the bouncer's are tough I'm hosed, but if they're chill I'm toadally in.

hate the RA. fucking looks like chewbaca's nephew. always on my case.

sweet. now i just got to get $100. I think i'm going to let my friend wear makeup anyway and then take a picture and threaten to send it to his parents if he doesn't give me $100.

and I'll have...

did you miss the part about me not going to the dmv. don;t worry a giant pink walrus boner dispatch has already been sent in your name. you sellout 80's afterschool special sing along dork. nice...

i'm nto going to the DMV, i won't be getting in trouble and despite the wishes of my friend he won't be getting to wear makeup. i swear the dude likes it. there hasn;t been a halloween i can remember...

actually I do have a question. why is my ass a small circle? even the larger of the two circles is still a small ass. now if that said "this is your asshole" I might think someone was actually...

Just so long as your not giving it to people. Why woudl you even save it? Flush that stuff down right away. why would you have it sitting around to give as a gift. just wrong.

I think i have a...

Oh I'll have my fake, mark my words (as in print them out and get a fucking sharpie). You'll see and then I'll take your woman (actually I'm guessing it's an elderly man you share a bed with and I'll...

Now you've done it. Anyone who insults my relationship with the buttons on my phone is a vagtastic penishead. That is a pure love you can't understand. Those buttons know me better than I know...

from the geritol gummer party? if we were on a love reality show I'd give you my rose.

Can that sticker be transferred from one license to another or does it destroy itself if peeled off? I think my friend is going to be sad if he doesn't get to waer makeup. He seems a little too into...

I've got nothing against pet doctors. I had a dog once. But you are an idiot. 19 + 3 does not = 21. I've give you one more try before I report your ass to a bunch of 3rd graders that can proably add...

what the hell is a vetern? is that like an STD. Is this "recruiting" your talking about some of that homo slang? you can keep your veterns and try recruiting people that actually want to be gay.

I didn't know about the sticker. that's a good idea. thanks.

Has anybody done this before? what was your experience?

That's a pretty good idea. My buddy already said he would do the makeup thing. Maybe he could just go in wearing the makeup that looks liek me and slouch a little. Then he could just give me that ID....

OK, now that we've all had a little laugh at "Below Zero's" expense who has some real ideas to help me out. I guess we could just keep taking shots at that kid, but that doesn't really get me...